Hey everyone, It has been a while since I updated this, I don’t really post much as it is these days, musically really.
Since finishing college and really taking stock of the downtime that comes with it, I hoped to get to a little tour and release some more music, but unfortunately they didn’t really come to light for reasons mostly financially.
Along with that, I have also hit a personal wall. The last three years have been bumpy as far as pursuing music, first I had to win the approval to do so without feeling I was wasting my time, then I developed some wrist issues, then ear problems, which both persist to this day. I have written mountains of songs, idea’s both acoustic and electric guitar orientated. I have notes upon notes of lyrics, musings and scraps that have built up. I have recorded some music both by myself and by the help of wonderful folk in college and got them up online for the first time outside of soundcloud to the likes of Spotify! That, at least in my mind, is a huge leap since “Human Verses” or “Daydreaming & Lullabies”, aforementioned self recordings.
Through all these experiences, I have also battled my inner demons, insecurity, anxiety and depression. FYI, this post might be a little bit more personal, and for that I hope I don’t make you the reader feel uncomfortable, but I believe it all ties together and I have never really talked openly about these things before, especially my inner turmoil and the physical issues I have developed over the years.
It kills me I can’t attend every gig I wishfully could attend, not just to view but also to play. But when you have so little money and such big aspirations, pretty soon you see which one is the bigger dictator as to how much you can achieve. Playing live is a thing some of you may notice I don’t get to do much. And that is not for a want of trying. I also have days where I fear the prospect of even walking out the door, but I do it, ‘cos I know if that fear takes too much of a hold of me, i’ll achieve nothing.
Over the last few months, I have come to some very important decisions and based on my current situations both physically and mentally, I am deciding to put my guitar up for the moment and focus on recharging. Only a small few of you would know how much I have thrown into pursuing this. I have ended relationships, turned down social events, devoted countless hours and weeks rehearsing, even as my ear dysfunction plagued me, wrists seizing and burning, head ringing. All of which, mind you, has been absolutely worth it. I adore music, writing, creating and collaborating, but there comes a point where you weigh up certain things and come to an understanding that for your passion to be appreciated, it can only exist in your life if you are balanced in every other aspect of your life, and for the largest time I have been so narrowly driven towards “getting there” that I have allowed a lot of other things lose focus.
This isn’t a huge and dramatic post, to be honest, I don’t understand why I am writing it as the majority of people i know would be okay and accept this decision if said in passing, but perhaps I am simply writing this cement it down even for myself. To help formulate my thoughts so to speak.
Well, friends, I guess I have rambled on as much as I can haha. Thank you for all your support for the past while, for sticking by and being wonderful. This isn’t goodbye, just, see you soon.